Voice mind

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

The positive change I’ve made recently is becoming more aware of the voice in my mind—asking myself, “Is this really my own voice, or is it something orchestrated from the other side?” I noticed this clearly this morning. As I woke up, I started playing with my phone. Then I shifted my focus and began some self-care. I remembered what my mom had asked me to do, and also that I had a car appointment for servicing.

But then something unsettling happened. I heard a conversation—something orchestrated from the other side—playing in my mind. I had no choice but to hear it, and my hatred grew into rage. I asked myself, “Why am I even listening to this?”

XR was telling her mom, GR, that she wanted her to visit. GR responded coldly, saying she didn’t want to see her at all, and questioned why she should care about her. Then there was a long pause. That’s when I quickly reached for my prayer book and began chanting, even though I was already experiencing déjà vu. I forced myself to chant these mantras to protect my wellbeing and the home I live in.

I stepped up my game—I cleaned the entire house as fast as I could, and even replaced the cabin filter before heading to the service center. I drank half of my coffee and drove off. For the first time, I made a decision: I’m going to burn all these orchestrated voices out of my mind. I don’t want to hear their useless conversations anymore. Every time I catch myself thinking about them, I’ll imagine burning them in real life, until my memory is wiped clean of them—until my mind is blank again.

I don’t want to be mentally connected to people who act like villains in my thoughts. I reject any conversation orchestrated from the other side. I also hate the music that plays in the background of my mind. I often wonder—who keeps playing this music? How can I stop this music from playing in my mind? This music playing in my head is titled  I really hate it.

When I reached the service center, the staff showed me what had gotten into my car. A rodent had left behind tree seeds inside. I told him I had already cleaned them out yesterday—so why were there even more today? He also pointed out rat droppings in the engine area. He advised me not to park near trees, garbage areas, or drains, because that’s how rodents get in and damage the wiring. He warned me that if the wiring is destroyed, repairs will be costly, and the warranty wouldn’t cover it—it would be considered secondary damage. He also suggested I get the engine washed thoroughly and start parking in a cleaner, safer location.

Procrastination is a disease fueled by excuses, doubt, anxiety, and the unconscious habit of questioning how other people’s YouTube success worked for them—especially right after I click on their videos. It makes me wonder: do people truly care about the well-being of others they don’t know or are meeting for the first time? That thought stirs my imagination.

The turning point came when I made the decision to take responsibility for my car—to care for it and take the necessary steps to help it support my livelihood in the long run, before fees increase and while it’s still under warranty.