Writing change and emotion

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

“When the mind dwells on objects, attachment arises; from attachment comes desire, from desire anger is born.” — Bhagavad Gita

21/2/26 I sat down with a verse from the Bhagavad Gita,with a simple intention turn it into a story.The room was quiet.Nothing moved.Nothing disturbed.

But inside, it was not the same.My back was straight, yet slightly stiff.Breath was shallow.There was a faint pressure behind my eyes.I wrote a line…then stopped.Read it again…it did not feel right.

Another line…then erased.

The mind kept whispering,“Make it better. Make it meaningful.”The story did not flow.What filled the space insteadwas a quiet tension.Not anger.

Not frustration.

But pressure to get it right.

I thought I was writing a story.But I was onlytrying to control it.

22/2/26 The next day, the silence broke.Ants appeared first.Thin lines across the wall.Then insects.In corners. On the floor.The room felt different.Not peaceful.Not still.Occupied.My body reacted before I could think.Eyes moving quickly.

Jaw tightening.Breath becoming sharp.A thought came, loud and clear—“This shouldn’t be here.”I didn’t sit.

I didn’t observe.I wrote immediately:buy weed killerkill off all plantsmake it easier to cut downThe words came out fast.Everything outside the wall became the cause.The plants were no longer just plants.They were the reason.The feeling was strong—irritation.

And beneath it…a deeper push—control it nowAction followed quickly.For a while,the room became quiet again.Days passed.The room stayed still…then changed again.Nothing remained the same for long.

14/3/26

After days of intense practices from the Isha Foundation,I did something different.I did not write.I did not react.I sat.The room was there.The body was there.But my attention turned inward.A thought appeared.Small.

Almost nothing.Then something followed.A tightening in the stomach.A slight shift in breathing.A discomfort rising quietly.Then it formed into a feeling—irritationAnd immediately after…the urge to act.To remove it.To fix it.To end it.

I stayed still.And watched.Again, it happened.A thought.A sensation.A feeling.An urge.Again.And again.In that stillness, something became clear.It was not one moment.

It was a sequence:attention → attachment → irritation → actionIt had always been there.

Only too fast to notice.Now, it slowed.And I saw it…as a pattern.

17/3/26 I stood before the same wall again.Small plants were growing through its cracks.Quietly.Slowly.No ants this time.No insects.Just growth.I looked…and wrote:buy weed killer kill off the plants growing on the wallThe action remained the same. I did not feel the same.

My body was calm.

Jaw relaxed.

Breath steady.

No rush.No pressure.No need to end everything.Only what was necessary.

Later, I read all the notes together.

21/2/26 — controlling the story

22/2/26 — controlling the space

14/3/26 — seeing the inner movement

17/3/26 — acting without forceThe story was never about writing.

It was never about ants.It was never about plants.They came and went…as they always would.But something else kept returning.

A quiet loop:feel → react → act → relief → repeat

That day, I did not try to stop anything.Not the ants.Not the plants.

I watched the moment before everything began.The moment before reaction. And for the first time,it did not disappear…but it slowed.

And in that slowing,I saw clearly What I was trying to controlwas never outside.It was always within. And slowly,that grip…began to loosen.